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Jeb Bush Wins Midterms in Landslide - Now Only Member of Senate

Last night was a big night for many Americans, as it marked the fifth “most important election in history” in voters’ lifetimes. More specifically, it was a big night for local stroke victim John Fetterman and local strokee Mehmet Oz, the night where they would finally go toe-to-toe in the ring and settle their beef, with only one emerging victorious. But, lo and behold, a third man has managed to usurp both candidates despite not even being on last night’s ballot - Jeb Bush, a man many are claiming may be “suffering from success”.

Last night, Jeb Bush won the election in every state race in a landslide so big, it has never before been seen before in American history. A landslide so big, he won both senate seats in every state in America. A landslide so big, Fetterman himself admitted to voting for the big yellow man. “I, um, uh, I-I, ummm, (glances at handheld teleprompter) I v-voted for Jeb B-b-bush”, Fetterman had to say on the matter.

When prompted, Bush revealed that he has big plans for the U.S Senate. “Finally”, the big man said, “Now I can legalize heroin and repeal gay marriage”.