Correspondent Articles

Naz AIDS - Abby Waballsack - 11/4/22

Naz Show? More like Naz Aids.

Just this past week, there has been an announcement of sickness going around Nazareth Academy High School yet again. Some people like to call this “Naz Aids.” If one could guess the root of Naz Aids was caused by Jugle, because instead of fucking off he decides to fuck himself. In the midst of all of this plague and epidemic, Nazareth Academy High School is hosting their fall production, which is proven to be prime Aid time. This saying sounds fun, but it is quite the opposite. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. DO NOT. Go to the NAZ show.


Why going to the Naz show will give you Naz aids:

  • The seats are numbered

  • The gym is either too hot or too cold. You’re dying either way.

  • The disco ball weight fell one time it's bound to happen again

  • Half the people there do not wash their hands

  • Patient 0 (Matt K) is lead role.

  • Cooties.


PSA by:

Abby Waballsack.



Jeb Bush Only Member of Senate - Evan Goodwin - 11/9/22

Jeb Bush Wins Midterms in Landslide - Now Only Member of Senate


Last night was a big night for many Americans, as it marked the fifth “most important election in history” in voters’ lifetimes. More specifically, it was a big night for local stroke victim John Fetterman and local strokee Mehmet Oz, the night where they would finally go toe-to-toe in the ring and settle their beef, with only one emerging victorious. But, lo and behold, a third man has managed to usurp both candidates despite not even being on last night’s ballot - Jeb Bush, a man many are claiming may be “suffering from success”.

Last night, Jeb Bush won the election in every state race in a landslide so big, it has never before been seen before in American history. A landslide so big, he won both senate seats in every state in America. A landslide so big, Fetterman himself admitted to voting for the big yellow man. “I, um, uh, I-I, ummm, (glances at handheld teleprompter) I v-voted for Jeb B-b-bush”, Fetterman had to say on the matter.

When prompted, Bush revealed that he has big plans for the U.S Senate. “Finally”, the big man said, “Now I can legalize heroin and repeal gay marriage”.

A Full House in the Senate on November 9, 2022